asked if i enjoyed Synod
i reply
i'm not sure that the purpose of synod was my enjoyment.
for a (pleasant) change i sat.watched.listened.prayed.laughed.fidgetted.waited
(not my reports so I don't have a date with a microphone)
and wondered
could my future be here in this place.church.country?
maybe
but for now, this week i
.met new people, and started to form friendships, collegial relationships … and opinions.
.learned about how this church makes decisions, and what it is that these people consider important
.changed my mind, made up my mind, and was convinced to unmake it again
.heard trust&distrust&mistrust
.saw gaps, traces and cracks (where light might still get in)
.saw lots of resources - and a confusing array of doing and undoing and redoing
.started to grapple again with Strategy and Discernment; Strategy vs Discernment; (DisStrategment?)
… and wondered about using the right toolboxes for each - at the right times.
.learned a lot about consensus decision making and a very different process
.talked, listened, prayed, sang, hoped, watched, grappled and trusted with others.
i "guested". listening, learning, soaking it all in as the words, prayers, fears and hopes washed over and around and through me
You gave me a great gift, and i wondered
what might it take to give myself completely to become 'us' rather than 'you'
(to throw my hat over the wall)
i will remember
.a table where we talked, laughed, face-booked, changed our minds, waited in silence, prayed, changed our minds again and broke bread
.another table where we ate together, sharing stories and hopes
.silence, waiting, praying and trusting
.new learnings
.new friends
and leaving tired, changed, renewed
asked if i enjoyed synod
i might just smile
sure that the purpose of synod was not my enjoyment
